When I started having kids I turned to social media for all my advice, mostly unknowingly. I looked to social media as an emotional outlet on rough days and found solace in other mothers who were also struggling.
And for a while I found myself agreeing with the sentiments about motherhood being so difficult, so burdensome, and so unfulfilling. Especially in the moments and time of loneliness, depression, overwhelm, and sleep-deprivation I too believed lies about motherhood that aren’t true. I thought that I would be sacrificing myself, be so lost in motherhood that I would be a nobody.
Here are some of the “truths” about motherhood that on the surface seem harmless but can actually be detrimental to your joy as a mother:
1) Find Something for Yourself
You should have a hobby or just something that brings you joy. That fills you up especially on the hard days. But be watchful of what these “hobbies” actually are. Is it something that actually fills your soul or just numbs you? Is it feeding your heart and mind or creating distance between you and your kids? Does it bring you real joy or simply pleasure from being apart from your children?
3) Don’t Lose Yourself
Some women let motherhood become all consuming in a negative way. They become victims and martyrs in their minds. They lose themselves in the sense that they think they are, but truth is they’re selfishly clinging to their old selves and regretting their motherhood decision. So, they throw themselves into motherhood mentally and physically but not emotionally, their heart just isn’t in it. On the outside they look, and convince themselves, they lost themselves but really it’s a facade. When done right, truly losing yourself in motherhood brings growth, love and happiness.
4) Find Something Outside of Motherhood
Bigger red flag advice. When people say this they often mean going out with girlfriends, having a job, drinking wine, etc. It’s the idea of keeping some semblance of your pre-married and pregnant life. However, when you become a mom you are not the same person. You just are not. This is hard to accept for many but the sooner you do, the easier it will be.
5) Kids Ruin Your Life
They do but really not anymore or less than your parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, bosses have. Raising kids is hard. It’s hard because it’s real work. Honestly, it takes every inch of you to mother, there is no coasting it not if you want to be happy as a mom. Happiness is the result of hard work it’s not a hand out. Having kids ruins your life in the sense that the old life you had is over and an new one is beginning. If have this view point chances are you are already ruining your relationship with your kids. They will catch on that you resent them and when you’re old and need help they won’t be around.
6) Motherhood is a Women’s Calling
Even as Christian who does believe this statement, it does need to be noted that this is detrimental thinking too, mostly when pushed. It’s a true blessing and honestly a refiner’s fire for growth but it’s not for everyone. Motherhood is a choice and not one to be taken lightly. Motherhood is a calling because women were created to handle it, with God’s help. It is possible but if a women chooses to not go down that path she should be respected for her decision.
Can you think of any more ideologies about motherhood that have good intention but ultimately end up harmful?
